heh. anyway

dzul is not the most patient of all guys but my goodness, he really really tries his best to pacify this really spoilt brat that he has for a gf. whenever i beg him to send me home, hed say things like, this is singapore. not africa. i know u can reach home safely. heh very practical rite. i gave up asking actually since i know he wouldnt give in. and anyway, its not that big of a deal coz his place can be considered rather out of the way. but just last week, after our huge meal of opih hor fun and char kuey sotong, he decided to send me home even though he had to work the next day and had to take a cab back. we had soooooo much fun on the swing at the mangosteen too. one swing, 2 people, very tonggang-tebalik u know. go figure hehe. yes, i slept a happy lady after that.

that night at 3 am, i found myself loving this dude even more over the realisation that he does put in so much effort to make things better for me. he does put in so much effort to tahan my crap and to being patient plus all that he sacrificed to keep me happy.

hes not the type of person who will serenade you with poems or 100 gajillion red roses. in fact, hes actually quite a hopeless romantic. i dont mind at all actually coz all the jiwang-ness would only make me squirm. but he makes it up in his own cheeky way. like, the other time, he tried very very hard to hide the bouquet of lilies for me in the red pasar plastic bag. he kept on hiding behind the pillar, only peeping occasionally to see if i had arrived coz... u know lar tak macho rite for a guy to carry flowers. i was standing behind him hidden from his view for nearly 10 minutes smiling myself silly.

for all the ego that he shed, of course, i found myself loving him even more.

if u ask me, he seems like the busiest person in the whole entire world. but when i tell him that i might not be able to meet him as often anymore, he told me we can always squeeze time in between even though its for only ten minutes. and im sure ur tuition kid will cancel some of ur tuition sessions. then we can still meet wat, he told me.

oh how much more i loved this dude, for all that he said to comfort me. so sweeeeeet raaaaite, gerrrrrammmm ok.

i told him im jealous of everyone else coz they are earning and traveling around the world already and all that jazz lah. but he said, dont worry, traveling can wait dear. when u become my wife, u can have all the free tickets and travel all you want. my face literally went *ting!* when i head wat he said lah.

and for that, i definitely loved him even more.p>

i can go on and on actually. heh. its weird to be stirred from your sleep like that only to have such feelings suddenly engulfing you. its not like i asked for it. wait.... maybe............ i did. 0_0. i grabbed my hp with the intention of wanting to tell him all these. but i only managed to text, dear, ur the best! at 3 am in the frikin morn coz i was really too lost for words. heck, i even find this entry unjustified actually.

dzul promised me some things a while back and me, being a really big disbeliever of promises, was rather apprehensive about how things can turn out. but he stuck to his promises and blew me away each and every time. no joke. he made me feel, complete and very happy... somehow. i want to promise him some things too but i fear i am too weak to keep to my words. i want to tell him that he could be it but im very afraid i would scare him miles away from me if i tell him how i feel and i would be too weak to accept the consequences later on. hes right afterall, i am weaker than him.

then....

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

tonight happened. i had been looking forward to tonight since 3 days ago. i met dzul last on sunday so its been 4 days since i saw him. and my gawd!! i really miss him. my initital plan was to really spend the whole night with dzul. but he had decided to leave at 9 instead to meet his friends for arab street. we had an hour for ourselves and truthfully, it was enough for me, just too see him for that hour. but but but.. stupid stupid me... decided to act childishly crappy tonight. i was really just teasing him about leaving me with just one hour of his time but the rest of the night with his friends. seriously, i meant no harm. then each time he asked to hold hands or something like that *blush*, id pretend to give him the look and say cannot. u know, cheekily, as if its my punishment to him for meeting me too quickly. but i guess the joke got too serious for him when he really did not get anything that he asked for. come to think of it, he has been saying that i have not been giving him credit for the things he does. i should spend more quality time with you, shouldnt i? and im very mean lately, arent i? even the sea lions get some credit for doing their tricks, dont they?. hehehe... ok ok, i know, of all metaphors.

anyway my dearest dzul faadly, please give me a call when u read this. please tell me it was just a stupid, childish, misunderstanding. please tell me that you forgive me. please tell me that you are ok. please smile for me and not "scold" me like that *whispers: coz u do look kind of gay when u talk like that*. please tell me u will still keep on trying. and please, most importantly, tell me u cant live without me okie darling. lol....

they say, love, it doesnt need to have a reason.

but i say, when u finally find a reason to love, you will love truly, you will love deeply and u will find yourself loving that person even more. i have found my reasons.

as unjustified as this entry is, still... thanks eh korang for being so kuasa to read so much. lol

there, thats wat im talking about. the sambal belacan is really the bomb. any takers?

i think im not ready to become miss responsible... yet. i am still sorting out my enigma as an overly dued teenager i guess.

my little cousin blurted out over dinner just now that he is going to become an uncle soon. everyone looked at him puzzled lah.. duh. then he said, kak dila is going to get married soon wat. omg u little freak (!!) i could have killed him with my spoon, i swear. he went on talking about dzul whom me and my sis made him believe was 30 years old (he guessed dzul to be 40 okay), owns a spunky yellow lamborghini and lives at orchard road, right next to takashimaya. heh....

anyway everything that needs to be done is done and i suddenly find myself having too much time for my own good. so now i just need to wait for the calls to ring in. l_nd_n beckons....

life, is not bad after all.

i do not want anything for my birthday this time round. like.. who wants to celebrate getting old anyway. but unless.... unless............ u guys are feeling generous, than maybe this list should help.

a nano would be good. ipod nano. bukan gula-gula nano-nano.

the biggest ml of gucci envy.

home delivered godiva, coz im d diva, duh

or if u really run out of ideas, just gimme the cash.

ngaahahahaaaaa

k going to dunk my head in pail of water now

sincerely

-me-

step one: pinch the shoulder and somewhere halfway along the front of the tee

step two: fold away!

step three: turn and tuck and tada!!

its the most difficult thing ever to explain my situation to my greatest believer mister **kim.  for one, he is envious that i am where i am coz he can only wish to be where i am and here i am wanting out. (gasps for air).. its not exactly a walk in the park, i told him. he knows, definitely, with my incessant complaints of the ridiculous system and other what-nots. yet he urged me on only to my strongest resistance. yesterday, he finally understood that i had enough.

i told him my plans. he listened. he questioned and he reasoned. people like him are good to have around. he makes sure my plans are solid. he agreed, though with a hint of admonishment, that it doesnt sound that bad of a plan. dillah, u would make a great _________ one day, he said. see, always my greatest believer. happy birthday mister **kim. jangan nak perasan muka macam jude law ok. dont make jude cry.

sure, i learnt a lot. i learnt to accept defeat but with my head held high and my eyes wide open. i learnt that the safest passage have a way of failing too, somehow, in mid-flight. nonetheless, from the wise words of my father, life still has to go on.

Ava Flap and Emily Tote from Fossil

French Resort Bread Satchel and Buckingham Tote from Fossil

Totes from Delias

flats by Kara, Key West and Nia, sneakers by Flava

Chuck Taylor double tongue chuck sneakers!! in parchment/olive

Silver Dial & Maranie for the dressier occasions, Zoey & Lille for the casual ones

the right eye had been twitching sporadically ever since thursday. they say it means smthing, isit? anyways it evolved into a perpetual headache yesterday night. they had to keep on shoving me money too coz i claimed that my penniless state is making the throbbing worse. haha. bes ah korang. but thank gawd for my standard issue of hot pulled tea (thats teh tarik panas for the oblivious).

s________ is the new joint now. coz its cheaper than the other regular s________ haunt. 3 people and 5 drinks between us. not that bad lah. usually it would be 1 drink between 4 people. we could not give rocco a rest yesterday night too. rocco's rokok is 25 cm long apparently according to some unintentional information. we heard a squawk coming from across the road. i said it was a hawk but someone thought i said hog and another claimed it sounded like a duck. (hello??? hahaha). talking about ducks... rocco's new fren is a duck named bubbles. and rocco likes to blow bubbles. well, long story. heh. makes u ponder what we talked about all night long doesnt it.

a rather pointless entry, no? im bored lah thats why.

its ok..................................................................

thats the chinese character for rocco. heeheeeheeeeee. rocco in hanyu pinyin its pronounced as wo-ah. and with a bit of unsolicited imagination, we realised how versatile rocco is. every other chinese character found in ana's company mag can be turned into rocco doing smthing. rocco sitting down, rocco bending over, rocco on a boat, rocco buat split, rocco dancing. and my favourite, brokeback mountain rocco barocco feeeeeweeeeet.

well baby I’m single

reggae lah....

so lepak

mcm i loike

before he breaks your heart (By Jane Rodder)

1. They usually have a history of short relationships. There is often an excuse that they haven’t met the right woman, or they justify their history by saying they still have plenty of time to settle down as they can have children at any age. A favourite line is "someday".

2. They want a relationship but they also want freedom and space.

3. They are fast to move in on a woman they are attracted to, and they pursue ardently until they win the woman over.

4. They are very charming. They say and do all the right things and they can be very romantic. They are very good salesmen to get their own needs met, but in reality they have very little concern for the woman’s feelings, as they are always operating from hidden agendas.

5. These men are usually very affectionate and loving. This is because in their mind the relationship is not going to be long term, so they feel free to give affection and love, knowing it won’t be forever. It isn’t long though before they suddenly start rejecting the woman, by not ringing or not wanting to see her for days, or not including her in weekend arrangements etc. This is because they subtly want to give the woman the message that they don’t want a long term committed relationship.

6. Severe commitment phobics play the seduction/rejection game. They can’t make the decision to give totally to the relationship, but they can’t commit to walk away either. They feel trapped by both choices. They feel love for the woman when they don’t see her, but they want to run away when they become involved again.

7. Commitment phobics love the chase but they don’t want the kill. This may happen after 1 night, 1 week, 1 month, 3 months or 1 year. They may start sabotaging just as they are about to get married, or just before or after there's a decision made to move in together.

8. They spin stories to justify their contradictory behaviour, and when the woman threatens to leave the relationship they may make promises to change, but they never do.

9. They tend to limit the amount of time they spend with the women and treat her as a low priority

10. They treat requests for respect as demands and become, angry, obnoxious and rebellious.

11. Severe commitment phobics avoid events or outings that may include the woman's family or friends.

12. They like to feel in control and create time frames that suit them, often treating the woman like a puppet on a string.

13. They don’t like structure, particularly in their personal life.

14. They tend to compartmentalize their life and keep their work environment, friends or family off limits. They can create wonderful excuses why the woman shouldn’t meet these people.

15. When they get the feeling they need to run, their words and actions are full of mixed messages. They play mind games.

16. A commitment phobic won’t allow the relationship to grow and they have no intentions of ever doing so.

17. They can be moody or aloof and blame the woman for why they are acting so bizarrely.

18. They may withdraw sexually and blame it on the woman for being demanding, or on work fatigue, or illness, or anything else that they can think of.

19. They can have a history of unavailability and inaccessibility .They can be hard to contact, and they are often unpredictable when it comes to returning phone calls. They can even avoid answering calls completely.

20. They lie, or they are evasive and secretive about where they are and what they are doing to create space.

21. They hate planning ahead because that means commitments.

22. They are often unreliable, late and sometimes they don’t turn up at all. They are like this with family and friends as well, although this is not the case in their working environment.

23. They are often unfaithful in relationships.

24. They can be overly committed to their work to avoid spending a lot of time with a woman.

25. Behavioural inconsistencies are very noticeable with these men when they find themselves getting too close. They become argumentive and abusive, or they create distance. A lot of uncaring sabotage behaviours surface eg. working long hours, taking on extra projects, creating space, not ringing, being late, finding fault with the woman etc

26. They often choose to travel a lot for work, to play a lot of sport, or be involved in many projects to create distance.

27. These men know on some level that they are deceptive and cruel to women.

28. The word “forever” terrifies these men. Love doesn’t scare them; rather it is what love represents to them that scares them. This is due to their negative belief system about love and relationships.

29. They usually end up behaving worse and worse, and they sabotage more and more because they want the woman to end the relationship as they feel too anxious and guilty to do so.

then theres articles 1, 2 and 3

go figure. go, go.......

so once again, im left having to fend my dejection with nothing do *hurhurhur*. nuff said. i made this

mushrooms ala gasak-gasak on toast

sliced bread

button mushrooms

garlic

lemon juice

and everything else your spice rack can offer

to mine i added cracked black pepper, some salt, chopped parsley, thyme and rosemary.

there. when im bored i cook. when im stressed out i go into my stupid cleaning fit. whoever in the world would want to get married to me i wonder......

ben & jerrys half baked aphrodisiac

popcorn, lemon tea

drunk after vee

and all fall down *ngaahahaha*

gay boys and sunflowers

remember, geranium and lilies

burger ramli

keropok lekor

apam pulau pinang

coconut juice tiga

radja: tulus kah hati mu mencintai aku?

thank you love

we caught V for vendetta today. he had to pester me a little to sway my intentions of watching nanny mcphee. consequently, he ended up paying for my ticket. he wanted to watch it at marina coz its his favourite place, he claimed. but i preferred PS coz u can magically transform the seats into love seats. so it came as a pleasant surprise when we did not alight at city hall today but dhoby ghaut instead. so sweet rite! already he agreed to pay for the movie then secretly booked seats at PS instead of marina just so we can cuddle and snuggle and snoggle each other silly. haha menyampah!

anyway i went into the movie clueless to what i was going to watch. already i got turned off at the start coz this masked clown started spewing some tongue twisting dialogue where every word he says starts with 'V'. the satire he injects into it really disinterested me. so i decided that the movie sucked. however, its typical of portman's movies to have deeper meanings than the actual event itself. like the movie closer. so as the plot progressed, i realised i enjoyed watching the ideology that was being portrayed and the significance of the events. every single shot was important and there were no redundant scenes watsoever. i loike. if u like closer, u must watch this.

we gallivanted around PS to look for a better looking get up for urs truly. but i was somehow more compelled to look at bags than tops and only to be nagged by him constantly, dear look for clothes. clothes! you have too many bags... i made mental notes of shops with the somewhat attractive and affordable pieces. i think i tagged the whole B1 of PS.

i looked tru mango yesterday and saw a few stuffs i would die to get my hands on but a practical friend told me to hold the thought and wait til my kaching comes in. im prolly gonna go round bugis for cheaper substitutes. then maybe some topshop for the heck of it.

the last time i headed down to far east plaza, it felt like i just stepped into a junky, money slandering teeny bopper world. the place just doesnt cut it anymore for me. it doesnt breathe the comfortable familiarities i was once accustomed to. weird coz i loved that that place. i used to frequent a cozy corner selling cheap, lightly worn vintage t-shirts. its now replaced by a shop selling hair clips, belts and wigs. and tees now cost a whooooping 35 dols compared to how i could have gotten it cheap at 9.90 for something similar last time. teenagers nowadays have to be rich to keep up i guess. or rather their parents. i wonder how rich i would have to be later when im married with teens. the similar tee could cost a frikin 90 dols tau.

so thats it. im gonna keep my tshirts for my kids from now on people. then im gonna bilang dorang, its vintage. *flashes two thumbs up*

but yet when we start to talk about someone else we feel bad

lifes just so funny that way

and its funny too that i always feel to be out of money

like right now

but im already thinking how best to spend my money once it comes in over the weekend.

S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G!

all my clothes have been worn to death anyway. i am in dire need of a fashion consultant coz my my wardrobe is looking really frumpy, really. the need to break away from the conventional tshirt and jeans is major. but the thing is, i would end up buying something i wouldnt wear much often. and sticking to conventionals is just so.. bowring!

oh nevermind.

heres my list anyway

1. white/off white/beige pants

2. no jeans please

3. that cute chinios top from far east

4. printed  tube dress

5. shrugs

6. more vintage wateva

7. more topshop/fox/forever 21

8. less giordano (maybe thats y wardrobe looks frumpy)

9. that adidas watch ive been wanting since forever

10. nano!

eh materialistic tak aku ni? materialistic segala kan!! tsk.......

enak dan lazat

manis dan pekat

bila disedut rasa nya hebat

hebat sungguh takleh lah angkat

*sing to tune of saya suka main buih sabun*

i love thai coconut. ive been drinking that cool beverage for three days in a row already. the only resplendent antidote from the heat. so we got some of that plus 4 dols of keropok lekor and 2 dols of cempedak goreng. being the apam pulau pinang freaks that we are, we shared 8 dols of the crispy confection between us and some to bring back home. such dasyat appetites we both have. our pasar malam staple, the burger ramli daging for him whilst its ayam for me was vair disappointing. the sauce was not sufficient in amount so much so that it didnt get the chance to ooze out upon the first bite. tak syiok lah gitu kaaan. but its ok coz my long time hankering for susu goncang was finally satisfied today. made our way to the nearest park to dig in.

he told me he caught an alien during his fishing expedition a few nights before. he has this certain oddity when telling stories. he said he caught a weird blob looking creature wic apparently was just sucking on his bait instead of biting it. they mistook for a stingray at first but concluded that its too alien to be one. i thought he catches the weirdest things to which he replied in a most nonchalant manner, yah... the other time i caught a bra. lepak brader..........

my take on this was to simply keep my wishes to myself. i dont usually say or tell people my dreams or my hopes for the future because if i do, i believe it wouldnt come true.

on another hand, others, would chose to inculcate opposite thoughts contrary to wat they really want to achieve. its like building a safe fort for themselves if in any case that the wish turned out otherwise. for example, one would prefer to believe that he would not get the job after a grueling interview session even though he really really really want it. so that if in the end, he ends up not landing the job, he could tell himself, i knew it! and feel much better after that.

or they might chose to believe that they are not really into a relationship even though they are really totally in love with the partner. so that, you know, just in case a break up might happen, they can always tell themselves, i wasnt that into her anyway and get on with life.

people lie to themselves now to make themselves feel better later if their plan did not turn out in the end. but for how long can one keep up with living a lie. and for how much longer can i keep mum about my own hopes and dreams. things dont happen by lying or by keeping quiet. i know.

i guess the first step is to admit. so here goes. i admit that i am guilty because i am afraid of facing the truth. i guess the others must be afraid too......

u read it rite.

when ur bingit. just bing it.

awak tgh ngantok yer

sorry saya kacau awak tgh tido eh

tapi

terubat sikit rindu saya kat awak dzul faadly osman, tau tak?

cet! tak tau malu betol lah saya ni!

macam shiok sendiri pulak declare benda macam gini.. teeheeheeee

now the whole wide world yg tau cakap melayu knows tauuuuu, woman!

anyway

besok awak ada exam

besok saya ada big interview

oleh itu, good luck untuk kami!

peaceful....

until the radio played crazy by kci and jojo

and the both of us started chorusing through the whole song

coz its the only part we knew

in the car

out loud

til it rained

seriously... its difficult being kci

next time i wanna be jojo ah

then its desert, coffee and my pile of food... in that order

thank you for the treat you rich person you!

tsk tsk tsk...

the nose is fried and the cheeks are blotched red. i was hoping for smthing else but wat i ended up with was too ridiculous. ey.. i just cannot tan ah!!

now the skin is starting to itch. bad.

i googled for some remedies and the recommendations came as mild as putting ice to the area to uritica urens. wateva that might be..........

meantime, all i can do is to sental hazeline snow aje lah.

on another note, today is the day i cannot wait to happen. the anticipation feels exactly like on our first date. we have been pushing everything for today. the past few weeks of brushed off calls, him telling me we can just talk more on saturday. the past few weeks of numerous cancelled meetings, him telling me we would meet on saturday anyway. ugh, painful. but its very bitter-sweet.

the handsome older cousin was on my bed sleeping like a log, or so i thought, when i got home. i squeezed myself in between him and the wall since its my bed and hes the intruder anyway. i buried my face in my pillow and started crying and crying and crying. somehow that small confined space between the cold hard surface and my cousin's warm, manly, smelly body provided me with the comfort i needed. then he shuffled abit and placed his hand on my head, stroking my hair a little, as if telling me...

"woman, cut the crap and stop it. i know ur happy u finally get to meet your darling. but for goodness sake. dont lah cry!!! now let me sleep in ur bed."

teeheeheee.... he din get to sleep in my bed, sadly. he has got the whole living room for himself.

anyways.....

i called dzul 3 times already today. and smsed him four times that i cant wait to see him.

yes i miss him that much

he, on the other hand,  was indifferent about it.

oh well........

8 more hours to go =)

cannnnnnnnnnnot waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.......

he is still studying at this godly hour btw. on a friday night with his friends. very the hardworking you knoww. i is envious...

so slack and comfy kan!

splash of red from Diesel. vair wearable!

Lacoste Spring/Summer 2006

their polos are fun, yes?

and..... headbands are baaaaaaaack.

L.A.M.B i L-O-V-E

but baking did the thing.

with the whole house to ourselves, the handsome cousin helped with the whipping and the adding and of course........ the eating.

decadent chocolate cake.

reaaaalleee gooooey butterscotch fudge bars

o-well. eat first. swell later.

"life shoudnt be this difficult.

if it is, that means you might have been garnering on the wrong thoughts.

think happy thoughts, woman.

think positive."

-cousin

my journey to find out a bit about myself.

my very own johari bin nohari

aneeeeways.... that pot of cream, i flung it out the window. i bought a different one, this time not as pricey but has 7 times more benefits than the first.

later on in the evening, the nieces and nephews came over and the whole family created a great big ruckus over who is cuter and who is prettier and who is more handsome. now i know where my narcissism came from. its in the blood. well, i lost to my mini-me. she blew us over with her 1,2,3 surprise! trick.

next time, i will paint my face with my new potent pot of cream. it has 7 times more benefits hokay. and i might blow you guys 7 times over! *lol*

or maybe i just am oooglie.

"why are you so worked up over what i said adillah??? ur acting as if u like me. do you like me?"

and that pissed me off even more coz i dont like him. not anything more than a fren. no. im not in denial. and he knows that. and he knows its a frikin egoistic question that he just asked. and he also knows that i hate ego-anything. egoistic males, females, actions, questions.. anything lah. he just did that to distemper my already frustrated disposition. henceforth, we ignored each other for terribly long after that until today.

he had been busy with his own things and i had been busy with mine, wateva they might be for my case. we din know that catching up after being MIA was so much fun. he called me to tell me about the girl he has been going out with. old news, i told him, just to burst his bubble. he was still very much the mat i knew, only much richer now and probably not very single. he still remembers the secrets i told him and shamelessly dished them out one by one to the details just to embarrass me. and i still laugh at his corny mat-ish comments even though they are so terribly lame.

one thing we can both agree on is the fact that probably, in some parallel universe, both of us might be soul mates. in another warped world, both of us could probably live peacefully together. in another life, we could have even been married. but definitely not this lifetime, thats for sure.

anyways the mat promised me a fish market dinner together one day. and i will definitely bug him for it.

but nontheless, great things had happened since the past few days

first was shopping at jennyfer's. macam masok another dimension, really. everything was slashed by 50% (!!) even their denim jackets. when else can u shop like a tai-tai kan... a pair of sweet pink shoes and a really nice blue clutch (after much deliberation between blue or pink) for tai-tai number 1. whilst i, tai-tai number 2 got a purplish pink hooded sweater and an asymmetrical boho skirt. 4 items between us for a total of 60 dols. on normal days, those 4 items should have cost us 120 dols instead. i say, the tai-tais on a budget strikes again! ngaahahaha!

secondly, i got to go to the airport! and i love the airport! me and zue were the good passengers of encik ahmad's nissan. we paid him promptly with old chang kee's curry puff okay. got to bade farewell to my blood brother ariff who's further studying in ozzie adelaide. all the best bradaaaah!! come back with an ozzie slang and i will knock ur head =)

thirdly, i fell in love. aaaaaaaaah... with popeye chicken's buttermilk biscuits and mashed potato. eh... i think i want some now!

fourthly, being the birken freak that i am, i have found the site with the works. now i can shop at the comfort of my very own swivel chair. im looking into bulk ordering since shipping would be free for purchases above 249 SGD. anyone interested?

and last but not least, i now know how much my professors love me. they have conveniently dispensed 3 quizzes for us tomorrow

CV 2601 Fluids

FE1004 Life Science

CV2102 Structures

valentines day presents, they said

a happy valentines day to me for sure

so tonight i will become wonder woman and attempt the impossible

i am working against time

but time is against me

ladidadida

sad lah =(

aku tak mengerti, apa yang kurasa
rindu yang tak pernah begitu hebatnya
aku mencintaimu lebih dari yang kau tau
meski kau takkan pernah tau

aku persembahkan hidupku untukmu
telah ku relakan, hatiku padamu
namun kau masih bisu, diam seribu bahasa
dan hati kecilku bicara

baru kusadari cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan
kau buat remuk sluruh hatiku

semoga waktu akan mengilhami sisi hatimu yang beku
semoga akan datang keajaiban hingga akhirnya kaupun mau

aku mencintaimu lebih dari yang kau tau
meski kau takkan pernah tau

today's stressful bouts of my laxness in tutorials made me colour code my wardrobe. heh.

urmm... i can see a rainbow?

i have decided to be a bit more eccentric with my colours now. i googled around a bit and found out that wearing specific colours actually affects the way a person feels.

White
The colour of ultimate purity is white.

It is an all-around colour of protection, bringing peace and comfort, alleviating emotional shock and despair, and helping inner cleansing of emotions, thoughts, and spirit.

If you need time and space to reflect on your life, white can give you a freedom, and uncluttered openness.

Too much white, however, can be cold and isolating.

Black
This colour is both comforting, protective, and mysterious.

It is associated with silence, the infinite, and the feminine life force - passive, uncharted, and mysterious.

Black can also prevent us from growing and changing.

We often cloak ourselves in black to hide from the world.

Red
Red is a powerful colour that has always been associated with vitality and ambition.

It can help overcome negative thoughts.

However, it is also associated with anger.

If we have too much red in our system, or around us, we may feel irritable, impatient, and uncomfortable.

Pink
Pink is emotionally soothing and calming, and gives a feeling of gentle warmth and nuturing.

It lessons feelings of irritation and aggression, surrounding us with a sense of love and protection.

It also alleviates loneliness, despondency, oversensitivity, and vulnerability.

While red relates to sexuality, pink is associated with unselfish love.

Orange
Orange is a joyous colour.

It frees and releases emotions and alleviates feelings of self-pity, lack of self worth, and unwillingness to forgive.

It stimulates the mind, renewing interest in life ; it is a wonderful anti-depressant and lifts the spirits.

Apricot and Peach is good for nervous exhaustion.

Blue
Blue is a cool, calming colour and is associated with a higher part of the mind than yellow.

It represents the night, so it makes us feel calm and relaxed as if we are being soothed by the deep blue of the night sky.

Light and soft blue, make us feel quiet and protected from all the bustle and activity of the day, and alleviates insomnia.

Blue inspires mental control, clarity, and creativity.

Midnight blue has a strong sedative effect on the mind, allowing us to connect to our intuitive and feminine side.

Too much dark blue can be depressing however.

Green
Green has a strong affinity with nature, helping us connect with empathy to others and the natural world.

We instinctively seek it out when under stress or experiencing emotional trauma.

It creates a feeling of comfort, laziness and relaxation, calmness, and space, lessening stress, balancing and soothing the emotions.

Dark green represents the onset of death and is non-descript, unassertive, a negation of love and joy.

Lime green and olive green can have a detrimental effect on both physical and emotional health since sickly yellow and green are associated with the emotions of envy, resentment, and possessiveness.

Yellow
Yellow is also a happy, bright, and uplifting colour, a celebration of sunny days.

It is associated with the intellectual side of the mind, and the expression of thoughts. It therefore aids the powers of discernment and dis-crimination, memory and clear thinking, decision making and good judgment.

It also helps good organization, assimilation of new ideas, and the ability to see different points of view.

It builds self-confidence and encourages an optimistic attitude.

Conversely, dull yellow can be the colour of fear.

Turquoise
We associate blue greens with the refreshing and cool ocean.

It is therefore invigorating, cooling, and calming.

Like green, turquoise is good for mental strain and tiredness or feeling washed out.

It is an elevating colour that encourages us to make a sparkling fresh start.

Turquoise is also helpfull for feelings of loneliness, since it heightens communication, sensitivity, and creativity.

we gallivanted around the area for abit and finally finally got our specs done. i was in desperate need of a new pair ever since forever whilst he had been wanting another pair to wear at home alternatively instead of his oakleys. both pairs for 180 dols with astig and high index. aku kan potekkk. not that bad a deal kan. he handled the down payment so all hail to my royal PITA! now its all up to me to collect the hot loot come friday. i cannot wait. yup yup yup.

anyways its week 6 tru school already and im only at tutorial 3 when im supposed to be done with tutorial 5 for most of the modules. i have an average lag of 2 tutorials per mod and since im taking 6 modules, that makes a grand total of... grabs calculator... 12 frikin tutorials i have to rush!!!

ey stressssssssssss aaaaaaaaaah!!

my blonde ambition came true at the salon for 12 bucks. i din haf any strong intentions to do it. i jus did it. was telling dzul that i need to spice up my otherwise boring life. and he asked me, is that y u dyed ur hair blonde? maybe, i told him.

it turned out too much apparently. i had to mellow the tone a bit. and dzul didnt like it either. im never going to show u to my mom with ur hair like that, he said. hehee funny guy. i really miss him. thats funny too coz we jus met each other yesterday to visit my mom at the hospital. i guess what i really miss is jus us, hanging out, having fun, irritating each other, slobbering each other like we are the only 2 people alive, like how we used to do.

im proud of him. for reasons that i myself cannot achieve. he sets his priorities, and omg (!) he actually set them straight. i really envy dzul for being able to do that. he inspired me to want to set my priorities straight too. but you need priorities to begin with and i had none. i should work on that first lah huh. =p and he got the dream job he had always wanted. so, tell me, how many of us are lucky enough to get that kind of chance. hmmmmm.. ok maybe muna lah eh. she gets very high from teaching *heh* all the wishing and hoping and praying turned out well for him in the end alhamdulillah. i notice a difference in him ever since i got to know him. he tries his best to keep me company a little bit more when he has the extra time, he tries his best to make me a little bit happier when that time of the month hits me hard. he tries to be the best test subject ever (!!) when it comes to my cooking.. and i try my best to thank him as much as i can for all of that.

i guess things haf to be done differently now that he has started work. the change had been overwhelming, coz big things are happening to us little people! its painful, coz i really miss him so much i wished i cld pluck him away from his hectic schedule, but welcoming indeed, orang bodoh jer would not want this chance. settling the dust proves to be difficult. i hope we can overcome this together. we can rite?

like what muna said, "...you are not getting any younger..." eh wait, come to think of it.. what has that got to do with anything. haha!

now that i can toss the blonde ambition out the window, i think i should concentrate on my other more important ambitions like becoming the supportive partner i think i haf not been and set my priority to graduate very very very straight.

a friend sang it for me

he warned me not to put it here but bah! ur too talented

(a little bit of pre-fame wont hurt rite *rubs hands*)

you might not get to hear it on mozilla or any other browsers cept for ie

and im sorry i do not know how to tweak it to make it multi browser friendly

so too bad

wats not too bad is... this friend of mine here

hes single and verrry available

so do let it load